January...gone but not forgotten

What a month it has been.  January came with a hopeful sense of excitement, we were ready for the big move and the beginning of a new chapter in a new place.  We looked forward in anticipation of what God had ahead.  What we didn't realize was January would put us through some of the most heart wrenching moments of life.

The majority of the first week was spent packing away and saying goodbyes to dear dear friends.  Saying goodbye once is difficult enough, saying goodbye a second time is borderline unbearable.  We are blessed with some of the best friends, which makes parting even harder.  They are our greatest encouragement, but the look in their eyes as you say goodbye says it all.  Within days of arriving back from Christmas break in Texas our moving pods were delivered.  We loaded them up and moved into a good friends home for what we thought would be a matter of 2 or 3 days before our departure to NY.  

The day we moved out of our rental home tragedy hit our family hard.  My husband lost his older brother in a terrible car accident.  There is nothing in this world that can prepare you for a loss of this kind.  My heart aches terribly every time I replay that day over in my mind, I pray with time that too will heal.  We walked through several dark days beside my mother and father in law, brother in law, our nieces and nephew as well as a whole host of extended family.  I knew I married a man of great strength, I never realized just how great that strength was until this trial.  He was a rock for his family, even in the midst of his own grief.  I, on the other hand, only know how to deal with these moments by doing whatever needs to be done, meals, cleaning, errands, phone calls, etc.  I wish I could say it was a servants heart, but I know if I were honest it's because the moment I stop I fall to pieces.  I'm sure one of these days I will blog about watching a mother loose a son or a child loose a parent, for now I can only formulate one words, "Tragic".  

We adjusted our moving plans to be with family through the funeral.  In the midst of the pain God held our family close.  Our little guy was a constant source of joy through the heartache, I can truly see how God uses children in the midst of sorrow to bring joy.  We are grateful to have had friends to stay with during this time who were a sounding board, a daily comfort and a warm cozy place to sleep each night, as our belongings headed to NY.  What we thought would be a matter of days turned into a week, I can't recall much, those days just seem like a blur.

There are so many other situations that happened prior to our leaving that I cannot share in a public format, but ones that caused a good deal of pain.  As we left NM I felt as though I was looking back on a minefield of heartache the enemy had so strategically planted and one thought came to mind:

"God MUST have something HUGE ahead for us"    

It seems so many times when we know God has big plans in front of us we fail to remember that the bigger Gods plan the more relentless the enemy's attacks against us.  We drop our guard because all around us it seems everything is so positive and exciting.  For us this past month was no exception.  Our decision to move was out of an obedience to go where the Lord was calling.  The moment we said yes we threw the door wide open to both the excitement of what lay ahead and the trails that would attempt to prevent God's plan from completion.

In the midst of the heartache and pain, God's hand was so prevalent.  I believe it is impart to the prayers of so many of you.   We were blessed to have church family and friends in New Mexico who took such great care of us, helping with meals, childcare, funeral arrangements and generally just loving on us.  And how we have been blessed beyond measure by our new church family in New York.  Not only were prayers being lifted for us by our students and church staff, but the outpouring of love when we arrived continues to warm my heart.  We have moved to a beautiful place to serve an amazing group of people!

So January you are now gone, but certainly not forgotten.

Many Blessings,
hj

    

New York here we come...

Crazy, certifiably nuts, out of our minds, insane...or perhaps just following where He leads.  When we moved from Texas to New Mexico just 7 short months ago we had no idea what God had in store.  In our minds and our plan this was permanent, we were moving home to a place we loved, near Patrick's family and our dearest friends.  Although we were leaving my family behind, we knew we would be less then a day's drive from them.  We quickly fell in love with our new church family, rented a beautiful house from close friends and began to plant ourselves.  But God slowly began to reveal that He had other plans for our little family.

Leaving out the months of little details, in December God opened a door and Patrick accepted a position as Student Ministry Pastor at a church in New York.  This was by far one of the most difficult and yet incredibly peaceful decisions we have ever had to make.   In the past 13 years of ministry I have come to learn that following where God leads, means having the obedience to go when He says it's time.  For those of you who know us best you know this decision was not made lightly, nor was it an easy one to make.  We are leaving behind family, our best friends, a beautiful house and an amazing group of youth to move to an unfamiliar area.  But we know we are going exactly where He wants us.  

As hard as the decision was, we are absolutely thrilled.  God has chosen us to fill this role and we will serve Him fully and completely as we have in each place He has planted us.  We are blessed to be apart of yet another group of amazing students and we look forward to how God will use us in their lives as He has in many others.  I have no doubt He will be holding us up during this very short transition.  For someone who is a planner by nature, I feel I am completely out of my comfort zone and yet I have complete peace.  Further confirmation we are following His lead.  

So speaking of transition....

We will officially be sending our belongings out a week from today and we will depart New Mexico for New York on January 12th.  We are excited!  We continue to pray for Gods hand in this transition.  I'm sure their will be many more blogs to come, with all the changes that lay ahead.  I promise to complete Jaedon's birth story in the coming months, we have been a bit busy.  

So please pray with us....

We ask that you would join us in praying for protection as we are moving in the middle of winter, for peace over baby Jae, for all the minor details to come together, for us in the heartache of saying goodbye and for comfort in starting over in a new place.  

We don't believe for a instant that moving to New Mexico was not apart of God's plan for our lives.  As short a period of time as it was, we can see God had us here for a very specific reason.  I truly believe He has ordained each of our steps and just as He brought us here I am confident He is taking us to New York.  In that I find my great joy and complete peace.

Many Blessings,

hj      

Wordless Wednesday...Be still my heart

Few things reduce me to mush like this little face.  I don't believe I will ever come down from the cloud I have been living on since Sept 16th, 2010 :)

Wordless Wednesday...Mr. Cow

I just love this progression of pictures, I only wish there was sound to go along with them.  You can't see him but our little man was talking and waving to a HUGE cow!  Enjoy this wordless Wednesday!

Have a blessed wordless wednesday!

September 15th, 2010...

September 15th, 2010...
The day began much like any other.  I woke to the annoying sound of the alarm and I slowly pulled myself out of bed.  I rushed to get ready for work, made a quick cup of coffee, grabbed my keys, kissed the hubby and headed out the door.  The drive from home to work took an average of 45 minute, a long time to think and pray.  It had been over a week and we patiently waited for news.  As much as I hoped for good news, my heart was prepared for the worst.  We had been down this road before and had become a bit guarded.  Each process takes with it apart of your heart, needless to say apart of my heart will always be in El Salvador and Taiwan.
I had spent the night prior in prayer, the Lord had some "heart surgery" to do on me, but that is for another blog.  I had a new outlook this morning and my heart was at peace. The rush of adrenaline from the prior weeks events had worn off and we were in a holding pattern, as we had come to call it.   I knew if the answer was no it was not a punishment, but rather just another part of our adoption story.
Settling into work I did my best to concentrate.  It was 8:00am and I was in full swing with my daily routine.  About 9:20am my cell phone began vibrating, it was our adoption councilor.  I flew out the door and down the front steps to the same place I had stood for each of our conversations.  I held my breath and answered.  On the other end our sweet adoption councilor, whose peaceful and pleasant demeanor could be felt through the phone.  We made pleasant conversation, I paced back and forth just waiting for the news.
Finally the moment came, I could feel my heart begin to race.  This was it.  A moment later she said perhaps the 3 most amazing words I have ever heard:

"She chose you..."

Immediately I feel to my knees and began weeping.  Few things are etched on my mind like that moment.  7 years of waiting, hoping, longing, praying had come to this moment in time.  I could not have scripted it better, only the power of a mountain moving, awe inspiring, jaw dropping God could have written our story so beautifully.  I apologized for being so taken by the news, I could hear her smile through the phone and in a shaky voice I could tell she was rejoicing with us.  She asked us to keep the news quiet (with the exception of family) until she could speak with the families who had not been chosen.  She explained the details of the impending birth and additional meetings with the birthmother.  As excited as I was the reality of adoption kicked in and the warnings of the potential for the birthmother to change her mind.  She gave me time to ask questions and then we wrapped up our conversation.  Hanging up the phone I simply could not believe what I had heard.
I collected myself and quickly dialed the hubby's number.  He answered and immediately the tears came rushing in.  I uttered the words as best I could "Your going to be a daddy, she chose us"!  I wish I could have seen the look on his face (hindsight for all adoptive couples, be sure you tell your spouse in person) but I can still hear his shaking voice today "Wow, really, wow. Thank you Lord".  For those of you who know my hubby, he is a man of many words, however in this moment he had very little to say.  I relayed all the information to him as best I could and we prayed together.  I truly believe we were both so in awe we simply were at a loss for words, we just couldn't believe it.
Much of the rest of the day remains a blur.  I remember calling family, finishing out the work day (I still have no idea how) and heading home early to celebrate.  Finally around 7:30pm we received a call from our sweet adoption councilor letting us know we were clear to tell everyone....and tell them we did :).  One day I am sure we will share the video with all you bloggy friends.

BUT...the story doesn't end here, in fact this really is just the beginning and if you thought this was awesome, you ain't heard nothin' yet!  Stay tuned...

Remembering 31...

Today is the day I mark another year gone and a fresh start to a new year, a new age, a new chapter.  I can't help but think back on 31 and be completely amazed at what an incredible God I serve.  I had no idea just how drastic my life would change over these 12 short months.
  
On September 7th, 2010 I woke up with hope in my heart and butterflies in my stomach.  We loaded the car for an early morning airport run, our precious Katie Mae would be headed back to school.  Looking back I don't think God could have orchestrated a more timely visit, Katie Mae kept me distracted when I needed it most.  I don't think I could ever thank her enough for coming.   


There was little traffic on the way to Dallas at 6 in the morning.  It was dark out and our conversation was sweet, but my heart was beating just a little faster.  We pulled up to the terminal, oh how I do love the airport.  We gave our precious girl a hug, prayed for travel safety and sent her on her way.  Once again we were off, into the jungle of rush hour traffic, with Plano as our destination and the ad*ption agency plugged into the faithful GPS.  


The sun began to rise over the cars and it was apparent this would be a gloriously overcast rainy day.  How I do love the ran.  Our trip was fairly painless and we arrived in Plano early.  We drove to the adoption agency to make sure we would be able to find it, the clock read 7:45am, we had under 2 hours to meeting time.  


My precious husband who knows where my happy place is plugged, Starbucks into the iphone and we found one not to far away.  The light drizzle of rain made it a perfect coffee morning.  We grabbed the baby name book as we knew she may want to know what name we had chosen.  We sat looking through names we had picked over 5 years ago, some we still liked, some we didn't.  Little did we know that would not be the day we would choose a name.   I sat slightly distracted by all the men and woman coming in and out to order coffee like any other day.  Any other day was not today for us.  Ever second that passed was that much closer and that much faster my heart was beating.  Eventually it was time to head back to the ad*ption agency.


The rain was a little harder and the clouds had completely blocked out the sun.  The closer we got to the agency the more anxious I was becoming.  We pulled into the parking lot, spent sometime praying together and headed in.  It was 8:50am.  We met our ad*ption counselor who took us back to a room with windows that looked out over the rain and cars passing by on the busy highway.  Thank you Jesus for those windows and the rain, I felt immediate peace.  I glanced up at the clock 9:00am and remembered so many had committed to pray for us at 9:00am in my very first prayer party!  To those of you who were apart of that party, words cannot begin to express my gratitude.  


Our ad*ption counselor talked over a few details with us, she was a God send and such a source of peace during our entire journey.  She made sure we were settled and stepped out for a brief moment.  We knew the next time the door opened there would be another person walking through.  The minutes felt like an eternity, I closed my eyes to pray for peace, a moment later I could hear the door handle turning.  Our ad*ption counselor entered the room first and right behind her the person we had only heard about just 6 days prior.  


I remember that moment as if it were yesterday, everything I had ever feared in a birthmother meeting was so far from the reality of that day.  The walls of fear fell the moment this beautiful young lady with a smile that could light up a room, reached out to hug both the hubby and I.  She had no hesitation and was elated to meet us.  In that moment my heart was completely at peace.  Our counselor opened up the conversation which felt absolutely no different than sitting with a member of your family, isn't the Lord amazing! 
We were given the opportunity to ask the first question.  I had prayed for days what the Lord would want us to ask, we had made a list, but the first thing God laid on my heart was a question that would impact this process more than we realized at the time..


"Tell us about you, what do you like and what are your hobbies?"  


Such a simple question, but we truly wanted to know this precious person sitting across the table from us.  She didn't know us but the more we sat there the deeper we were falling in love with her.  As she spoke all I could remember thinking is "I get it Lord, I finally get it!".  This precious person was no different than you or I, she is a precious daughter of God, just like me. Two different lives, brought together by the orchestration of a loving Father.


The conversation was sweet and before we knew it our time had come to an end.  We gave her a hug and said our good byes.  We talked with our counselor for a few moments and then it was time to go.  I took two steps out the door, looked my rock of hubby in the eyes and said...

"It has to be her, she has to be our birth mother, it just has to be her!"


We knew she would meet several other families over the coming hours that morning, but as for that day I was on cloud 9.  I had been changed forever by a young lady had never met.  
Friends there are no words that could express to you what that morning was like for us.  Perhaps that is why it has taken me so long to blog about it.  Only now can I really think back and not be so in awe by God that I am at a complete lack for words.  Whatever you know of open adoption, the horrors you may have heard, the fears you may have, the preconceived motives of a birth mother, we have been there and can tell you it is so far from reality.  I shutter to even think we could have missed this, but that is for another blog.  


To be completely honest I cannot recall the rest of that day, it just didn't matter.  The best birthday present I was given was knowing I had finally understood what adoption was truly all about, the heartbeat of a Great Big God!  Since that day my birthday holds a whole new meaning, the day I would meet the woman God would use to change my life forever, in so many different ways.  


Don't worry this is not the end of the story, you will just have to wait until September 16th for the continuation.  For now just know that my birthday present this year is sleeping away in his crib, I still cannot believe this life I am living is real.  Only You Lord, only You!


Thank you for being apart of this past year!
hj    

Start at the very beginning...

Can you hear Julie Andrews singing in the background?  Though slightly different than the Von Trapp family, none the less here we are at the start of new blog journey.  Many of you have been around for the plethora of blogs I have been doing a poor job of maintaining, so in an effort to keep up I'm combining them all into one.
Not to worry, Doodling Dragonfly (my craft/DIY blog) isn't going anywhere, that will stay solely a creativity blog.  Our Life's A Hoot is all about our family, our ministry, our life and our passion, adoption.  So stick around, you never know what you will find :)

hj