In A Word Wednesday...

Well our sentence phase has rapidly turned into the conversation phase!  Our little man loves to jabber on and REALLY loves to talk with mommy and daddy.  Even when he's in his crib napping you will hear him talking or singing over the monitor until he finally falls asleep.  I adore him so much and I love this phase in his little life.

Here are a few conversations we had just this week...

Pulling into the garage...

• Little Man: "Tennis...Racket"

• Mommy: "Where sweetie?"

• Little Man: "Right Dare.  Two tennis...racket" (pointing at the rackets on the wall)

Getting ready for bathtime...

• Mommy: "Are you ready to take a bath?" 

•  Little Man: "Yes, yes! Bath disa-bubble bath too, fruog too?"  

•  Mommy: "Yes you may have Mr. Bubble and frog too" 

•  Little Man: "Yeah, disa-bubble, fruog" (laughing and shaking his head)

Morning Routine (when he wakes up)...

• Little Man: "Mommy, where are you?"

• Mommy: "Good morning!"

• Little Man: "Daddy go?"

• Mommy: "Where did daddy go?"

• Little Man: "Daddy go work." (nodding his head)

• Mommy: "That's right daddy did go to work and where does daddy work?"

• Little Man: "Church! Daddy go work, church...yeah."

Story Time...

• Mommy: "What books do you want to read?"

• Little Man: "Bible book....baby signs....lama"

• Mommy: "Who's in your bible books?"

• Little Man:  "Noah....Jesus....puppy dog too"

One afternoon while I was checking email on my laptop...

• Little Man: "Pway, Close it!"
• Mommy:  "Close what sweetie"
• Little Man:  (walking over and shutting my laptop lid)  "No, Close it! Pway, shwizbee"
• Mommy:  "Where do you want me to go play frizbee?"
• Little Man:  (Grabbing my hand and pulling me to the hall) "Seet (sit) down, pway shwizbee"
• Mommy: "Okay mommy sit.
• Little Man:  "YAY, shwizbee, can jam it!"

More vocab...
Lately our little man has been saying some hilariously cute words and with that his current words are changing, which is both exciting and heartbreaking at the same time.  Never before have I felt time was going by as fast as it is now.

Here are a few of his latest:

• Disa-bubble = Mr. Bubble
• Too-ed = Tooted (thanks to a kids song :-/, he loves to say "Mommy too-ed, daddy too-ed, doggie too-ed.  As you can imagine this makes mommy really happy...arg)
• Woshie = Lotion
• Shwizbee = NEW! Frisbee
• No much, no much! = So much, so much
• No wike it = No like it
• Bee-chu = Beat you (when we race :))
• My schuggars = My Sugars (when we give him kisses :))
• Can Jam It! (anytime he throws the frisbee)
• Mommy baby kwy-in.  (anytime he hears a baby cry. sorry that one is hard to spell!)
• Drive, cool car. (anytime he wants to go for a ride in the car)
• Pee pee in potty (NO, we are not potty training just yet)
• Daddy Sing Song
• Pucky Dog is now Puppy Doggie

Learning his name...

We are currently working on teaching our little guy to say his name and learn to recognize the letters.  You can imagine my excitement after a week of asking him how to spell his name he actually said "O"!  Of course that is the only letter, but it's a reoccurring letter in both his first and middle name, progress baby!  He is absolutely obsessed with his middle name so if you ask him what his name is he will most likely respond with "Maaaa-nix" (Maddox).  He says it in the CUTEST WAY!!! I love that he is recognizing his own name!  

Current Fav...

This week my favorite part has been hearing him recite his prayers back to me.  It goes something like this:

• Mommy: "Now I lay me"
• LM: "Now way me"
• Mommy: "Down to sleep"
• LM:  "Down seep"
• Mommy: "I pray the Lord" 
• LM:  "Pray ward"
• Mommy: "My soul to keep"
• LM:  "Soul keep"
• Mommy: "And Jesus watch me"
• LM: "Jedus wach"
• Mommy: "Through the night"
• LM:  "Night"
• Mommy: "Keep me safe"
• LM:  "Keep....safe"
• Mommy: "Till mornings light"
• LM:  "A-MEN!"

Did I mention he closes his eyes and folds his hands the entire time!  I honestly do not know how it is possible that he is picking this up at 21 months, but paint me a proud mama.  He is learning to pray and oh how I love it!

Blessings!

Melt my heart...

Are there things that happen with your kids that just simply melt your heart?  For this momma it was just before bedtime:


Me: "Baby where does Jesus live?"

Little man: "Heaben!" (pointing with both fingers to the sky)

Me: "That's right, where else does He live?"

Little man: "Heart!" (pointing to his heart)


Hearing those precious little words come from his lips, it's a little hard to maintain composer.  I love that my sweet little man is learning about Jesus at such a young age.  Somehow exchanges like this one make me feel like we're doing something right.

Blessings!

A different kind of Good Friday...

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...Ecclesiastes 3:1

A number of times in the past I've sat down to write this blog and the words never seem to make it from my heart to the page, but this year I feel confident to put down on paper what I feel in my heart.  I beg you to read this post in it's entirety...

As I approach this mothers day, I feel burdened and heartbroken, not the normal course for a mother.  I remember feeling this same burden just a year ago, my very first mothers day.  Sitting in church service, surrounded by mothers of all ages, I should have been overjoyed.  On the contrary, my eyes were filled with tears and my heart ached so deeply I couldn't breath as I recalled so many mothers days before this one.  When I should have been feeling joy I was burdened with anguish over those I knew desired so badly to be in the moment I had been given.  Seven years I waited, patiently for my time to celebrate, but I felt no sense of celebration.  

See infertility doesn't care if it's Mothers Day.  Infertility doesn't care how many times you have attempted and failed to conceive.  Infertility doesn't say bravo when you attend a friends baby shower or hold their new born baby in the hospital.  And infertility doesn't just go away when they place a baby in your arms.  This throne in the flesh is a constant reminder of what you cannot do and what you have no control over.  What is so seemingly easy for others is so painfully difficult for you.  Mother's Day is a reminder of what you desire, what you long for daily and wait for patiently.  And while you put on your best smile, mustering up every bit of strength you have to celebrate with the mothers you are blessed to know, you are quietly crying inside.  

I find myself asking the question: why if I have been blessed with a precious son do I still feel such a heavy weight?  I truly believe it's because God has called us to carry the weight of one another burdens.  By recalling to memory the seven years prior to our little ones adoption, the pain and anguish of infertility along with three failed adoption process', God is helping me to remember their are those who are still struggling.  Many of them close friends and family members.  That's not to say this burden should take away the celebration of the great blessing God has given me in my son, nor should it diminish the joy I have in being a mother.  Rather it is a matter of reverence for me personally.  Because I still struggle with the pain of infertility myself, there are parts of Mother's Day that will forever remain a silent painful struggle.  It is a thorn in my flesh, however I choose to see this thorn as Paul chose to see his:

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Please do not misunderstand me, I DO NOT for a moment believe the thorn of infertility is a messenger from Satan nor do I believe I have even a muster of strength as great as Paul, but I do believe God has put this into our lives personally so that His power, His plan, His purpose and His glory might be displayed in our life.  Without this thorn we would not have our beautiful precious son!  Without this thorn we would not have met the precious young woman who gave birth to our son.  Without this thorn we would not have been able to give a voice to those orphans who cannot speak.  Without this thorn we would not have been able to minister to so many other hurting couple's.  And most importantly without this thorn we would not be the same believers we are today.  Because of this...All the more gladly I WILL delight in this weakness, for when I am WEAK, then I am strong.

So in preparation for this Mother's Day I have decided to observe a "Good Friday" of sorts.  Around Easter we observe Good Friday to remember the sacrifice Jesus made when He died on the cross for our sins.  This is in NO way to be anything like that, but it is a day I am setting aside to remember and pray for those who share this thorn in the flesh.  If you have those in your life who share this struggle I would greatly encourage you to pray along with me.  Here are just a few ways I will be praying:

For Couples who struggle with infertility - For peace, comfort and strength to continue on.  For a sense of God's presence to know they are not forgotten.  For great assurance that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.  For confidence that they are nothing less than God designed them to be.  For laughter to replace tears, joy to replace heartache and mourning to be turned into dancing.  For peaceful guidance to make Godly decisions on the direction they should go.  For understanding and grace for those who don't understand or say the wrong things.  For understanding and grace for one another, to grow closer through this journey.  For the Lord to show Himself in mighty ways.  

I pray as we approach Mother's Day that we might be sensitive to all those who struggle with what should be a day of great joy.  Not just for those dealing with infertility, but those dealing with miscarriage or the loss of a child, for those who have lost their mothers, for the sacrifice of those PRECIOUS birthmothers and for all the babies just waiting for a Mommy of their own.  May our hearts be burdened for one another.

Blessings!

Found...

I found God on my deck.  I promise I'm not crazy, I'm linking up today and you can read more about "Found" on one my favorite blogs Beautifully Rooted.   So lately I have been challenging myself to "Find" God everyday.  As I said I "Found" Him on my deck...

Around here the seasons are changing and with them our little man.  This spring he is a little bit older, a little bit taller, a little more grown up.  It's hard to grasp the fact that time isn't going to slow down and our baby boy won't be a baby for long.  Life has been so busy lately, so many changes, so many things to get in the way of dedicated time with just me and my little man.  So when I saw him standing at the screen door, looking intently at the leaves blowing around, I knew this was a moment I wasn't going to get back.  I slid the door open and out he ran...

Without hesitation he began running around the deck, laughing hysterically as he made circles around me, as if he was playing his own little version of duck, duck, goose...

Pausing momentarily in a curious stare over all the little creatures flying around him or the noise the deck would make when he stomped his feet...

He wasn't worried about missing his favorite cartoon, playing with his favorite toy, what he would eat for lunch, if the house was clean or the laundry was folded.  He simply enjoyed all the little wonders God put around him...

And the only thing he asked of me was my time and attention.  It wasn't in the words he said, but in those eyes and the toothy smile.  It was the way he lit up like a Christmas tree when I ran circles with him.  It was that infectious little laugh when I would chase him from corner to corner...

It was in the way he would take a break just to sit in my lap and talk about the birdies or the kitty that lives next door...

He just wanted me!  In those moment's, on that deck, I "Found" God.  He used the most precious gift He has ever given to me to remind me just how precious I am to Him.  How He longs too for nothing more than time with me.  He reminded me that He doesn't want my clean house, my folded laundry or my next pinterest project, He just wants me!  He reminded me of Matthew 6:26:

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

I am worth so much to Him!  He reminded me I need to slow down and not feel like I need to accomplish everything, just enjoy the little moments running around on a deck.  

So run we did, the dishes and laundry will always be there later.

Blessings!

Sometimes it's just hard...

This weekend we spent alot of time putting up family pictures from our little guys one year photo shoot.  I loved looking through all the pictures again and choosing our favorites.  Each one of those pictures reminds me just how blessed we are, so much more than I think we will ever truly understand.
As I was hanging the last of the pictures on the wall it hit me, the inevitable wave of grief associated with infertility.  These waves just come, unannounced, and this one hit pretty hard.  I'm not sure where it came from but the ache that left my hearth hurting and eyes filled with tears was so unexpected.  Our pictures are beautiful but they just don't feel complete.  We want so badly to give our little man a brother or sister, but it is completely out of our hands and our control.  I wish it was as easy as just desiring to have another, but that's not the path God has for us.  It's not that we are not content with one, but we long for more.
When I sat back and looked at the pictures I began to weep.  I didn't ask to be put on this journey, but given the option, I wouldn't change a thing.  God knows my heart and He know's it is healthy for me to grieve this loss.  I guess it's like any other loss, the grief just comes in waves.  I won't try to hide the reality that after 9 years it still hurts.  He know's I will have days like this, I just continue to strive to glorify my Father through my pain.  Thankfully just like waves come and go, so it is with grief, eventually the waters will calm.

Sometimes it's just hard...and that's okay.

Sweet 16...

My Precious Little Man,

Today you turn 16 months old, WOW!  I look at that number and wonder where time has gone.  It just doesn't seem possible that you are growing so fast.  I feel as though I blink and another month has flown by.  I am amazed at all the things you are doing and saying.  You repeat so many words we say, which means mommy and daddy have to watch what they say.  You love to climb, run and play chase each night before bed.  You are so active and yet I am amazed how you will just sit in my lap, completely still, while I read to you.  You love to be read to!  You are a smart little man, constantly trying to figure out how things work and how to take apart everything you touch.  You love music and balls more than anything else.  You sing and dance all the time,  I just love hearing you sing Jesus Loves Me with mommy each night.

You love to talk and you are saying so many new things in your own little way:
"Bou" = Ball
"Backit Bou" = Basketball
"Boot Bou" = Football
"Poon" = Spoon
"Pone" = Phone
"Iee" = Hi
"Whoa" = Hello
"Jaedee" = Jaedy :) Your learning your name
"Papa" = Grandpa, Grandma's not to happy about that one :)
"Thant Chu" = Thank you
"Besh Chu" = Bless you
"Down"
"Dedus" = Jesus, Mommy LOVES hearing you say that!
You also are learning to say your auntie and uncles names, I have to say "megan" is my favorite so far :).

Today you shocked mommy when you strung words together in a sentence for the first time, not once but twice.  I asked you if you wanted to call daddy and you said "Dadee phone, okay" and shook your head yes.  You sure do love your daddy, or "Dadeeeeee", so much.  You light up every time you hear his voice, even if it is just on the phone.  You even said "Wuv You" to daddy for the first time as he left for work this morning, it made his day and mine :).

January you made a big move to New York with mommy and daddy.  You rode 35 hours in the car, passed through 6 states, stayed in 3 hotels and saw alot of neat things along the way.  Through it all you were a champ!  Mommy loved playing hide and seek with you in the mirror or seeing you wave to people driving by.  You have experienced alot in the past month and you have brought more joy than you can possibly know.  Jesus has used you, little one, in ways you do not comprehend.

I feel like time is passing so quickly and I do my best to cherish each moment with you. Nightly I am reminded how blessed I am that Jesus has given me another day to be your mommy.  As much as I love seeing you grow, I wish time could slow down.  I know before long you will be all grown up and I hope you will always know how much mommy loves you.  There are times mommy will make mistakes but I hope you never forget my love, I will:

Always read to you
Always hold you hand
Always kiss your boo boo's
Always dry your tears
Always sing you to sleep
Always dance with you
Always listen
Always answer when you ask why
Always be your biggest fan
Always cheer you on
Always discipline you
Always teach you to be gentle and polite
Always laugh with you
Always spur you on to Jesus
Always be there for you
Because I will always be your mommy!

So happy 16 month birthday my precious gift, my little love!   Keep growing, but not to fast.

Love ALWAYS,
Mommy