It's hard to believe but we are approaching baby J's 2nd birthday! One of the most precious parts of passing my birthday and approaching his is that both days hold such special meaning when it comes to our little guys adoption story. It was on my birthday, just 2 short years ago, that we met the precious young woman who chose to give us the most amazing gift (you can read more about that here). September 7th, 2010 will forever be far more than just a birthday. That day lead to baby J's birth, the beginning of an amazing relationship and the end of a journey (you can read more about that here). We have seen God's hand's all over this little guys life and we truly believe there are those out there who need to hear his story.
So in honor of baby J's big day, I am going to try and finish his story this year. Please bear with me as life is a little crazy these days, but I will do my best.
Blessings!
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Things people say...
One day very soon I'm sure I will blog about the different things people have said to us over the years in regard to infertility and adoption. Today I leave you with two that have been said to me a few times recently and I'm not going to lie, they hurt...
"So what about his real parents..." (speaking of our little man)
"You have a baby it's a little easier for you..." (speaking of the fact that we adopted a baby, as if that means our infertility disappears!)
Suffice it to say, sometimes you just have to practice grace...
Blessings!
"So what about his real parents..." (speaking of our little man)
"You have a baby it's a little easier for you..." (speaking of the fact that we adopted a baby, as if that means our infertility disappears!)
Suffice it to say, sometimes you just have to practice grace...
Blessings!
Friday, May 11, 2012
A different kind of Good Friday...
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...Ecclesiastes 3:1
A number of times in the past I've sat down to write this blog and the words never seem to make it from my heart to the page, but this year I feel confident to put down on paper what I feel in my heart. I beg you to read this post in it's entirety...
As I approach this mothers day, I feel burdened and heartbroken, not the normal course for a mother. I remember feeling this same burden just a year ago, my very first mothers day. Sitting in church service, surrounded by mothers of all ages, I should have been overjoyed. On the contrary, my eyes were filled with tears and my heart ached so deeply I couldn't breath as I recalled so many mothers days before this one. When I should have been feeling joy I was burdened with anguish over those I knew desired so badly to be in the moment I had been given. Seven years I waited, patiently for my time to celebrate, but I felt no sense of celebration.
See infertility doesn't care if it's Mothers Day. Infertility doesn't care how many times you have attempted and failed to conceive. Infertility doesn't say bravo when you attend a friends baby shower or hold their new born baby in the hospital. And infertility doesn't just go away when they place a baby in your arms. This throne in the flesh is a constant reminder of what you cannot do and what you have no control over. What is so seemingly easy for others is so painfully difficult for you. Mother's Day is a reminder of what you desire, what you long for daily and wait for patiently. And while you put on your best smile, mustering up every bit of strength you have to celebrate with the mothers you are blessed to know, you are quietly crying inside.
I find myself asking the question: why if I have been blessed with a precious son do I still feel such a heavy weight? I truly believe it's because God has called us to carry the weight of one another burdens. By recalling to memory the seven years prior to our little ones adoption, the pain and anguish of infertility along with three failed adoption process', God is helping me to remember their are those who are still struggling. Many of them close friends and family members. That's not to say this burden should take away the celebration of the great blessing God has given me in my son, nor should it diminish the joy I have in being a mother. Rather it is a matter of reverence for me personally. Because I still struggle with the pain of infertility myself, there are parts of Mother's Day that will forever remain a silent painful struggle. It is a thorn in my flesh, however I choose to see this thorn as Paul chose to see his:
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Please do not misunderstand me, I DO NOT for a moment believe the thorn of infertility is a messenger from Satan nor do I believe I have even a muster of strength as great as Paul, but I do believe God has put this into our lives personally so that His power, His plan, His purpose and His glory might be displayed in our life. Without this thorn we would not have our beautiful precious son! Without this thorn we would not have met the precious young woman who gave birth to our son. Without this thorn we would not have been able to give a voice to those orphans who cannot speak. Without this thorn we would not have been able to minister to so many other hurting couple's. And most importantly without this thorn we would not be the same believers we are today. Because of this...All the more gladly I WILL delight in this weakness, for when I am WEAK, then I am strong.
So in preparation for this Mother's Day I have decided to observe a "Good Friday" of sorts. Around Easter we observe Good Friday to remember the sacrifice Jesus made when He died on the cross for our sins. This is in NO way to be anything like that, but it is a day I am setting aside to remember and pray for those who share this thorn in the flesh. If you have those in your life who share this struggle I would greatly encourage you to pray along with me. Here are just a few ways I will be praying:
For Couples who struggle with infertility - For peace, comfort and strength to continue on. For a sense of God's presence to know they are not forgotten. For great assurance that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. For confidence that they are nothing less than God designed them to be. For laughter to replace tears, joy to replace heartache and mourning to be turned into dancing. For peaceful guidance to make Godly decisions on the direction they should go. For understanding and grace for those who don't understand or say the wrong things. For understanding and grace for one another, to grow closer through this journey. For the Lord to show Himself in mighty ways.
I pray as we approach Mother's Day that we might be sensitive to all those who struggle with what should be a day of great joy. Not just for those dealing with infertility, but those dealing with miscarriage or the loss of a child, for those who have lost their mothers, for the sacrifice of those PRECIOUS birthmothers and for all the babies just waiting for a Mommy of their own. May our hearts be burdened for one another.
Blessings!
Monday, October 17, 2011
September 15th, 2010...
September 15th, 2010...
The day began much like any other. I woke to the annoying sound of the alarm and I slowly pulled myself out of bed. I rushed to get ready for work, made a quick cup of coffee, grabbed my keys, kissed the hubby and headed out the door. The drive from home to work took an average of 45 minute, a long time to think and pray. It had been over a week and we patiently waited for news. As much as I hoped for good news, my heart was prepared for the worst. We had been down this road before and had become a bit guarded. Each process takes with it apart of your heart, needless to say apart of my heart will always be in El Salvador and Taiwan.
I had spent the night prior in prayer, the Lord had some "heart surgery" to do on me, but that is for another blog. I had a new outlook this morning and my heart was at peace. The rush of adrenaline from the prior weeks events had worn off and we were in a holding pattern, as we had come to call it. I knew if the answer was no it was not a punishment, but rather just another part of our adoption story.
Settling into work I did my best to concentrate. It was 8:00am and I was in full swing with my daily routine. About 9:20am my cell phone began vibrating, it was our adoption councilor. I flew out the door and down the front steps to the same place I had stood for each of our conversations. I held my breath and answered. On the other end our sweet adoption councilor, whose peaceful and pleasant demeanor could be felt through the phone. We made pleasant conversation, I paced back and forth just waiting for the news.
Finally the moment came, I could feel my heart begin to race. This was it. A moment later she said perhaps the 3 most amazing words I have ever heard:
"She chose you..."
Immediately I feel to my knees and began weeping. Few things are etched on my mind like that moment. 7 years of waiting, hoping, longing, praying had come to this moment in time. I could not have scripted it better, only the power of a mountain moving, awe inspiring, jaw dropping God could have written our story so beautifully. I apologized for being so taken by the news, I could hear her smile through the phone and in a shaky voice I could tell she was rejoicing with us. She asked us to keep the news quiet (with the exception of family) until she could speak with the families who had not been chosen. She explained the details of the impending birth and additional meetings with the birthmother. As excited as I was the reality of adoption kicked in and the warnings of the potential for the birthmother to change her mind. She gave me time to ask questions and then we wrapped up our conversation. Hanging up the phone I simply could not believe what I had heard.
I collected myself and quickly dialed the hubby's number. He answered and immediately the tears came rushing in. I uttered the words as best I could "Your going to be a daddy, she chose us"! I wish I could have seen the look on his face (hindsight for all adoptive couples, be sure you tell your spouse in person) but I can still hear his shaking voice today "Wow, really, wow. Thank you Lord". For those of you who know my hubby, he is a man of many words, however in this moment he had very little to say. I relayed all the information to him as best I could and we prayed together. I truly believe we were both so in awe we simply were at a loss for words, we just couldn't believe it.
Much of the rest of the day remains a blur. I remember calling family, finishing out the work day (I still have no idea how) and heading home early to celebrate. Finally around 7:30pm we received a call from our sweet adoption councilor letting us know we were clear to tell everyone....and tell them we did :). One day I am sure we will share the video with all you bloggy friends.
BUT...the story doesn't end here, in fact this really is just the beginning and if you thought this was awesome, you ain't heard nothin' yet! Stay tuned...
The day began much like any other. I woke to the annoying sound of the alarm and I slowly pulled myself out of bed. I rushed to get ready for work, made a quick cup of coffee, grabbed my keys, kissed the hubby and headed out the door. The drive from home to work took an average of 45 minute, a long time to think and pray. It had been over a week and we patiently waited for news. As much as I hoped for good news, my heart was prepared for the worst. We had been down this road before and had become a bit guarded. Each process takes with it apart of your heart, needless to say apart of my heart will always be in El Salvador and Taiwan.
I had spent the night prior in prayer, the Lord had some "heart surgery" to do on me, but that is for another blog. I had a new outlook this morning and my heart was at peace. The rush of adrenaline from the prior weeks events had worn off and we were in a holding pattern, as we had come to call it. I knew if the answer was no it was not a punishment, but rather just another part of our adoption story.
Settling into work I did my best to concentrate. It was 8:00am and I was in full swing with my daily routine. About 9:20am my cell phone began vibrating, it was our adoption councilor. I flew out the door and down the front steps to the same place I had stood for each of our conversations. I held my breath and answered. On the other end our sweet adoption councilor, whose peaceful and pleasant demeanor could be felt through the phone. We made pleasant conversation, I paced back and forth just waiting for the news.
Finally the moment came, I could feel my heart begin to race. This was it. A moment later she said perhaps the 3 most amazing words I have ever heard:
"She chose you..."
Immediately I feel to my knees and began weeping. Few things are etched on my mind like that moment. 7 years of waiting, hoping, longing, praying had come to this moment in time. I could not have scripted it better, only the power of a mountain moving, awe inspiring, jaw dropping God could have written our story so beautifully. I apologized for being so taken by the news, I could hear her smile through the phone and in a shaky voice I could tell she was rejoicing with us. She asked us to keep the news quiet (with the exception of family) until she could speak with the families who had not been chosen. She explained the details of the impending birth and additional meetings with the birthmother. As excited as I was the reality of adoption kicked in and the warnings of the potential for the birthmother to change her mind. She gave me time to ask questions and then we wrapped up our conversation. Hanging up the phone I simply could not believe what I had heard.
I collected myself and quickly dialed the hubby's number. He answered and immediately the tears came rushing in. I uttered the words as best I could "Your going to be a daddy, she chose us"! I wish I could have seen the look on his face (hindsight for all adoptive couples, be sure you tell your spouse in person) but I can still hear his shaking voice today "Wow, really, wow. Thank you Lord". For those of you who know my hubby, he is a man of many words, however in this moment he had very little to say. I relayed all the information to him as best I could and we prayed together. I truly believe we were both so in awe we simply were at a loss for words, we just couldn't believe it.
Much of the rest of the day remains a blur. I remember calling family, finishing out the work day (I still have no idea how) and heading home early to celebrate. Finally around 7:30pm we received a call from our sweet adoption councilor letting us know we were clear to tell everyone....and tell them we did :). One day I am sure we will share the video with all you bloggy friends.
BUT...the story doesn't end here, in fact this really is just the beginning and if you thought this was awesome, you ain't heard nothin' yet! Stay tuned...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Remembering 31...
Today is the day I mark another year gone and a fresh start to a new year, a new age, a new chapter. I can't help but think back on 31 and be completely amazed at what an incredible God I serve. I had no idea just how drastic my life would change over these 12 short months.
On September 7th, 2010 I woke up with hope in my heart and butterflies in my stomach. We loaded the car for an early morning airport run, our precious Katie Mae would be headed back to school. Looking back I don't think God could have orchestrated a more timely visit, Katie Mae kept me distracted when I needed it most. I don't think I could ever thank her enough for coming.
There was little traffic on the way to Dallas at 6 in the morning. It was dark out and our conversation was sweet, but my heart was beating just a little faster. We pulled up to the terminal, oh how I do love the airport. We gave our precious girl a hug, prayed for travel safety and sent her on her way. Once again we were off, into the jungle of rush hour traffic, with Plano as our destination and the ad*ption agency plugged into the faithful GPS.
The sun began to rise over the cars and it was apparent this would be a gloriously overcast rainy day. How I do love the ran. Our trip was fairly painless and we arrived in Plano early. We drove to the adoption agency to make sure we would be able to find it, the clock read 7:45am, we had under 2 hours to meeting time.
My precious husband who knows where my happy place is plugged, Starbucks into the iphone and we found one not to far away. The light drizzle of rain made it a perfect coffee morning. We grabbed the baby name book as we knew she may want to know what name we had chosen. We sat looking through names we had picked over 5 years ago, some we still liked, some we didn't. Little did we know that would not be the day we would choose a name. I sat slightly distracted by all the men and woman coming in and out to order coffee like any other day. Any other day was not today for us. Ever second that passed was that much closer and that much faster my heart was beating. Eventually it was time to head back to the ad*ption agency.
The rain was a little harder and the clouds had completely blocked out the sun. The closer we got to the agency the more anxious I was becoming. We pulled into the parking lot, spent sometime praying together and headed in. It was 8:50am. We met our ad*ption counselor who took us back to a room with windows that looked out over the rain and cars passing by on the busy highway. Thank you Jesus for those windows and the rain, I felt immediate peace. I glanced up at the clock 9:00am and remembered so many had committed to pray for us at 9:00am in my very first prayer party! To those of you who were apart of that party, words cannot begin to express my gratitude.
Our ad*ption counselor talked over a few details with us, she was a God send and such a source of peace during our entire journey. She made sure we were settled and stepped out for a brief moment. We knew the next time the door opened there would be another person walking through. The minutes felt like an eternity, I closed my eyes to pray for peace, a moment later I could hear the door handle turning. Our ad*ption counselor entered the room first and right behind her the person we had only heard about just 6 days prior.
I remember that moment as if it were yesterday, everything I had ever feared in a birthmother meeting was so far from the reality of that day. The walls of fear fell the moment this beautiful young lady with a smile that could light up a room, reached out to hug both the hubby and I. She had no hesitation and was elated to meet us. In that moment my heart was completely at peace. Our counselor opened up the conversation which felt absolutely no different than sitting with a member of your family, isn't the Lord amazing!
We were given the opportunity to ask the first question. I had prayed for days what the Lord would want us to ask, we had made a list, but the first thing God laid on my heart was a question that would impact this process more than we realized at the time..
"Tell us about you, what do you like and what are your hobbies?"
Such a simple question, but we truly wanted to know this precious person sitting across the table from us. She didn't know us but the more we sat there the deeper we were falling in love with her. As she spoke all I could remember thinking is "I get it Lord, I finally get it!". This precious person was no different than you or I, she is a precious daughter of God, just like me. Two different lives, brought together by the orchestration of a loving Father.
The conversation was sweet and before we knew it our time had come to an end. We gave her a hug and said our good byes. We talked with our counselor for a few moments and then it was time to go. I took two steps out the door, looked my rock of hubby in the eyes and said...
"It has to be her, she has to be our birth mother, it just has to be her!"
We knew she would meet several other families over the coming hours that morning, but as for that day I was on cloud 9. I had been changed forever by a young lady had never met.
Friends there are no words that could express to you what that morning was like for us. Perhaps that is why it has taken me so long to blog about it. Only now can I really think back and not be so in awe by God that I am at a complete lack for words. Whatever you know of open adoption, the horrors you may have heard, the fears you may have, the preconceived motives of a birth mother, we have been there and can tell you it is so far from reality. I shutter to even think we could have missed this, but that is for another blog.
To be completely honest I cannot recall the rest of that day, it just didn't matter. The best birthday present I was given was knowing I had finally understood what adoption was truly all about, the heartbeat of a Great Big God! Since that day my birthday holds a whole new meaning, the day I would meet the woman God would use to change my life forever, in so many different ways.
Don't worry this is not the end of the story, you will just have to wait until September 16th for the continuation. For now just know that my birthday present this year is sleeping away in his crib, I still cannot believe this life I am living is real. Only You Lord, only You!
Thank you for being apart of this past year!
hj
On September 7th, 2010 I woke up with hope in my heart and butterflies in my stomach. We loaded the car for an early morning airport run, our precious Katie Mae would be headed back to school. Looking back I don't think God could have orchestrated a more timely visit, Katie Mae kept me distracted when I needed it most. I don't think I could ever thank her enough for coming.
There was little traffic on the way to Dallas at 6 in the morning. It was dark out and our conversation was sweet, but my heart was beating just a little faster. We pulled up to the terminal, oh how I do love the airport. We gave our precious girl a hug, prayed for travel safety and sent her on her way. Once again we were off, into the jungle of rush hour traffic, with Plano as our destination and the ad*ption agency plugged into the faithful GPS.
The sun began to rise over the cars and it was apparent this would be a gloriously overcast rainy day. How I do love the ran. Our trip was fairly painless and we arrived in Plano early. We drove to the adoption agency to make sure we would be able to find it, the clock read 7:45am, we had under 2 hours to meeting time.
My precious husband who knows where my happy place is plugged, Starbucks into the iphone and we found one not to far away. The light drizzle of rain made it a perfect coffee morning. We grabbed the baby name book as we knew she may want to know what name we had chosen. We sat looking through names we had picked over 5 years ago, some we still liked, some we didn't. Little did we know that would not be the day we would choose a name. I sat slightly distracted by all the men and woman coming in and out to order coffee like any other day. Any other day was not today for us. Ever second that passed was that much closer and that much faster my heart was beating. Eventually it was time to head back to the ad*ption agency.
The rain was a little harder and the clouds had completely blocked out the sun. The closer we got to the agency the more anxious I was becoming. We pulled into the parking lot, spent sometime praying together and headed in. It was 8:50am. We met our ad*ption counselor who took us back to a room with windows that looked out over the rain and cars passing by on the busy highway. Thank you Jesus for those windows and the rain, I felt immediate peace. I glanced up at the clock 9:00am and remembered so many had committed to pray for us at 9:00am in my very first prayer party! To those of you who were apart of that party, words cannot begin to express my gratitude.
Our ad*ption counselor talked over a few details with us, she was a God send and such a source of peace during our entire journey. She made sure we were settled and stepped out for a brief moment. We knew the next time the door opened there would be another person walking through. The minutes felt like an eternity, I closed my eyes to pray for peace, a moment later I could hear the door handle turning. Our ad*ption counselor entered the room first and right behind her the person we had only heard about just 6 days prior.
I remember that moment as if it were yesterday, everything I had ever feared in a birthmother meeting was so far from the reality of that day. The walls of fear fell the moment this beautiful young lady with a smile that could light up a room, reached out to hug both the hubby and I. She had no hesitation and was elated to meet us. In that moment my heart was completely at peace. Our counselor opened up the conversation which felt absolutely no different than sitting with a member of your family, isn't the Lord amazing!
We were given the opportunity to ask the first question. I had prayed for days what the Lord would want us to ask, we had made a list, but the first thing God laid on my heart was a question that would impact this process more than we realized at the time..
"Tell us about you, what do you like and what are your hobbies?"
Such a simple question, but we truly wanted to know this precious person sitting across the table from us. She didn't know us but the more we sat there the deeper we were falling in love with her. As she spoke all I could remember thinking is "I get it Lord, I finally get it!". This precious person was no different than you or I, she is a precious daughter of God, just like me. Two different lives, brought together by the orchestration of a loving Father.
The conversation was sweet and before we knew it our time had come to an end. We gave her a hug and said our good byes. We talked with our counselor for a few moments and then it was time to go. I took two steps out the door, looked my rock of hubby in the eyes and said...
"It has to be her, she has to be our birth mother, it just has to be her!"
We knew she would meet several other families over the coming hours that morning, but as for that day I was on cloud 9. I had been changed forever by a young lady had never met.
Friends there are no words that could express to you what that morning was like for us. Perhaps that is why it has taken me so long to blog about it. Only now can I really think back and not be so in awe by God that I am at a complete lack for words. Whatever you know of open adoption, the horrors you may have heard, the fears you may have, the preconceived motives of a birth mother, we have been there and can tell you it is so far from reality. I shutter to even think we could have missed this, but that is for another blog.
To be completely honest I cannot recall the rest of that day, it just didn't matter. The best birthday present I was given was knowing I had finally understood what adoption was truly all about, the heartbeat of a Great Big God! Since that day my birthday holds a whole new meaning, the day I would meet the woman God would use to change my life forever, in so many different ways.
Don't worry this is not the end of the story, you will just have to wait until September 16th for the continuation. For now just know that my birthday present this year is sleeping away in his crib, I still cannot believe this life I am living is real. Only You Lord, only You!
Thank you for being apart of this past year!
hj
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